He told me that I have a very weak mind, I have to learn how to be strong willed. That's easy as said. I struggled, I fought, I hide. It's really painful at times. Sometimes I will compare myself to the less fortunate ones, of course I will feel better that way. But I can't help to compare myself with those that are more lucky ones, those without worries like me, those without burdens, those that have really close friends around when they are in need, those that just by posting on their problems on their Facebook can get theirs solved. These people are just all around me, how can I ever feel good about that? I've been bottling up for a while now. I've never told anyone my problems & I don't want to as well because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the way they will judge me, afraid that I will lose more friends. I'm too insecure because I don't like the way it hurts. So I guess by not telling anyone about anything is the best solution after all.. Perhaps by typing them out will help me feel better, I guess. It's so tiring putting up an act in-front of everyone, it's tiring to pretend that you have no problems & worries at all. But deep down in me, I've been thinking solutions to my problems but to no avail.
How I wish I could go back to time, to the time when I'm still myself, the time when I've not stepped into that ----. It's pointless. I need a getaway, to leave this place. Somewhere without worries & problems, somewhere that I can getaway from them so I don't feel hurt. Don't worry I'm not referring to the heaven. I still have so much to accomplish..
